Works and Grace

 I've been thinking about good works and grace this last week. Or maybe its been this past year. Or two or three. And how to reconcile the truth my spirit knows -- that God is our Heavenly Father, he is not now nor ever will be disappointed in us (we're only children in the eternal perspective and therefore any missteps really are just learning experiences. Just as we cheer on a baby's first steps and laugh and encourage them to try again, God is doing the same for us on our mortal journey.) My spirit KNOWS this.

But my brain... it often thinks, WHAT IF... What if I have to try my best every single second of every single day and I should be perfect because I know I can be if I just keep trying. And I know that we're supposed to try our very hardest to be our very perfectest through everything that life throws at us or gives us we must endure it well to the very end. And hopefully that will be enough to make it to the Celestial Kingdom to live with God, where anything unclean can't live in his presence. Even though he loves us no matter what. 

I'm going to reveal a deep dark secret. Sometimes when I do something good, I hope somebody sees me doing good. And even if nobody's looking, I imagine that concourses of angels are watching me and nodding their heads in universal appreciation of my goodness and so at least they notice. Honestly, sometimes that's all I need to motivate me to do good and to be good. And that's a little messed up.

Because aren't we taught that there's this big book in heaven where our good deeds are recorded? Part of what I loved about TV show The Good Place was how they talked about this concept that God keeps a tally sheet to decide if we're Heaven-bound or Hell-shot. And how we can get so caught up in the tallies when in reality it's not what matters at all. It was just so relatable and deep for sitcom television.

But today, as I read D&C 128, I realized that the book talked about in Revelation 20:12 where the dead were judged out of the book of life and the works therein, the book isn't recording their good or bad DEEDS. That's not it at all. Its simply talking about a record of their works of their saving ordinances. Have they been baptized? Or has someone performed their baptism for them after their death? If not, there is still work to do. But good thing there's a record so we can figure it out and get it done.

I also had the thought that people in the afterlife are probably BUSY. If the same sociality exists there that exists here, they've got work to do. Schooling (I'm assuming a lot of physics, chemistry and anatomy), Missionary Work, Creating Worlds without Number, and hopefully a lot of meeting up with friends to say hi. They're probably hardly paying attention to what goes on down here. Maybe a quick check-in once in a while to see if anyone needs anything, but other than that, they're probably thinking, "It wasn't as hard as we thought to get to heaven. If only they knew they wouldn't worry about themselves and everyone else so much. Welp, they'll figure it out soon enough. What's for lunch?"

I've got a brain that likes to check off lists and an imagination that works overtime -- creating both worst-case and best-case scenarios for every imaginable...scenario (at least it's not hard to entertain myself). But I'm also going to keep reminding myself of the power of grace. That our Savior descended below it all so he could meet us where we are and make up the difference. Trust Him.