Battered and Scarred

Sensitive Content Warning: Don't enlarge this picture unless you want to see something super gross! Or very interesting. Depending on who you are!

(The green ring is a finger tourniquet.)

Two bad things: 

1) By yesterday evening, my shoulder was realllllly stiff. When I had the big fall hiking yesterday, my right arm was behind me. I'd been holding on to twigs for stability as we descended over snow and ice so even thought my butt landed on the ground, my arm was extended behind and elevated. KT even said, "Oh no! Did you hurt your shoulder?" But I hadn't! It was just fine. But it wasn't.

Last night we were invited to a friend's home for dinner (super gourmet presentation--like Michelin worthy! It was so good! And they started by commenting they were eating Keto so the whole dinner was keto-friendly!) and somewhere between the 3rd and 4th courses, I was having to adjust my arm in weird ways to keep it from hurtimg.

When I woke up this morning, it was hanging a full two inches longer than the other arm. Not everything hurt all the time, just certain movements and I was unconsciously holding it close to my body--my brain was really protecting it. It hurt to take off clothes, put on clothes, and do basically anything. It was the same arm as my tennis elbow. Just as I had been feeling so good that that arm was finally painfree, now this. I had to fight off a sense of depressing hopelessness washing over me. 

On the bright side, I had an appointment that morning with an ortho about PRP for my tennis elbow. I asked him about my shoulder and he was happy to evaluate. We determined the pain was when I held it in front of me and tried to lift. Also extended in front and raising above shoulder height. He reassured me that most shoulder injuries heal without incident. Give it about two weeks. If it was still painful then, we'd get an MRI.

2) In the afternoon I was getting a cyst removed from my middle finger (same arm!). Last week I'd gone in to have it removed, assuming it was a ganglion cyst. But it was in a weird spot (finger underside instead of on top of joint) so he determined it wasn't ganglion and we'd have to remove it surgically.

As it turned out, once they cut in, it was ganglion. So surgery for nothing. But I'm just glad it's gone. And shouldn't return, so that's good. 

I was awake and very numb during the procedure and the doctor misinterpreted my morbid curiosity in watching him cut and wanting to see the cyst for medical interest and a strong constitution, and once he excised the cyst (gel filled), used the tweezers to show me the nerve and tendon (a lot like what we see preparing chicken!). I silently chanted to myself throughout the procedure, "This is totally normal. Doctors and nurses do this all day long. They cut and pry underneath the skin, move nerves out of the way and tap on tendons, and they're totally fine seeing it all. Doesn't need to be any different for me seeing it as well." Took me a full evening to shed the image and impression of him tapping on my tendon. Much like the time it took to recover emotionally after cleaning up Clara's blood.

They stitched me up and bandaged my finger thoroughly and while I had time with the PA, asked him about my shoulder and he agreed that I should give it two weeks (since I wasn't having active pain) and most likely it would heal on its own. 

So battered and scarred (like the old violin) I made my home, plopped myself on the couch and spent the evening reading, shivering at the tendon tap and dreading when the numbing would wear off.