Processing

While I was in the sunroom praying and reading (scriptures and thoughtful books), and journaling

but feeling unsettled with Clara's death, I decided what I needed was to schedule a massage and to change my hike with KT to a walk. Hiking sounded too hard today.

I also wanted to talk to someone about yesterday, but not people I might see if I was walking in the neighborhood. People who would want details about the funeral I don't have yet, answers to what I'm doing to help her family get matters settled, questions about how they can help, memories to share, and of course assumptions that she fell and bumped her head and peacefully slipped away (which is partly true, but not all the way true, which is what's giving me a lot of anxiety).

With KT I could start and the beginning and talk through the end with every single detail and help me process. And forgive me for laughing at the gruesome parts and equally as indignant at the police officer conversation parts. We would be outside which was invitingly sunny, could walk up Parley's Trail and I could take Kershaw who needed a walk too.  

It was every bit as wonderful as I imagined it to be.

 On the flip side, I don't like this masseuse at all. 

I told her I wasn't there for cupping, just a relaxing massage and work on my stiff neck.

She did not work on my neck and in fact her movements were so slow which was making me so frustrated, it was all I could do to keep my eyes shut. I was so irritated, I was literally counting down until we were done.

Thankfully Andrea is available next week and I can get a re-do.

 Dan and Chris left this morning for a Colorado ski vacation during the U's spring break.

Report is they're having the time of their lives.