Saying Goodbye

 Wednesday, while out on my bike ride, I passed Rick Curtis who was on a walk.
What a tender mercy to get to stop and chat for a few minutes and tell him

 how much I loved him and Annette and was so sorry to hear that she wasn't well.

He was so sweet and said how much they loved me.

I so wished I could follow him home and give Annette a hug.

But I didn't want to intrude.

He called Jen and told her he'd seen me. 

Jen invited me to come over the next day while she'd be there helping.

When I rang the bell, her dad answered and said I wasn't supposed to ring but just walk in.

Ha, ha. But that was the back door, I said.

Do you have a place that you went every single day of your jr high and high school life

that you just walked in the back door? 

I had two homes.

I went upstairs and found Jenny in her room. Just like the old days.

We went into Annette's room and gave hugs and shared memories.

Singing along to her favorites that became our favorites.

All the yummy treats.

Snacking on saltines and BBQ sauce while watching Days of our Lives.

Me running through the back yard toward their house and someone in the family

saying, "Here comes Angela."

She encouraged me to sit on the bed next to her.

Pretty soon Jen was showing pictures on her phone,

so I leaned over to see them too and Annette put her hand on my arm and

I put my hand on hers. And she had such soft, soft skin, it reminded me of Grandma Regan.

Skin on skin creates such a visceral experience -- more easily etched on memory.

My dad had a visiting capacity of about ten minutes before he passed

so I tried to be cognizant of not staying too long. I said goodbye and 

Annette and I hugged one more time before Jenny tucked her back under the covers to sleep.

As we walked down the hall, Jenny and I remembered working in the computer nook 

and that Annette always had everything you needed for any project.

I haven't been in their home since college. 

Decor has been changed and an addition made, 

but every single room still held memories. And love.

(And the family room closet is still full of VHS movies and puzzles!)

What fun we had together -- we did lots of homework too.

And listened to music and talked about dreams and ambition and crushes and heartbreak.

And here we were again, 35 years later, going through the worst heartbreak.

Oh, I've been here before, my friend. I know how much it tears you apart

to say goodbye to one of the two most important people in your world.

It seems impossible to be put in that position.

I'd walked to their home instead of driving over so I could get my exercise.

But also so I could walk home afterward and have time with my thoughts.

I was so grateful to be able to give Jenny's mom a hug and tell her I loved her one more time.

Later, Jen sent a picture.

She'd been moving a chair in the room and an Anne Murray tape was under it.

Just a little reminder of those years driving in the van singing along 

to Anne Murray, Dan Fogelberg, John Denver.

Today on my bike ride I listened to Dan Fogelberg and cried.

I can't bear listening to Anne Murray yet, but it's playing non-stop in my mind.