Marathon Report

Sometimes--a lot of times--on my writing journey,
I've had to silence the inner critic.

For several years I didn't even tell anyone I was writing a book. 
Because who knew how far I'd actually get? What if I never got past the first chapter? 

Or the first draft? What if I found out I was a crappy writer and never got better?

Or what if I never found the time to work on it so it just stalled out 

as little more than a few scenes scrapped together?

No one wants to announce a goal just to have it fizzle out, 

 imagining the whole world wondering what ever happened with their big idea? 
Or worse, confirming the whole world's suspicions you'd never be able to do it.

But after I finished a first draft, started my writer's group and had some positive feedback in classes,

I became more brave in telling people I was writing a book.

Now I've got a finished manuscript, and though it still needs work--lots of it--
I've got a path and a plan.

But there's a really good chance it won't ever get published. Few first books do.

A couple months ago I was grappling with, if it never gets published, 

what do I tell people who ask about it?
Will they feel sorry for me? Or worse, embarrased for me? 

Years ago my friend described her son's little league baseball abilities as, 

"He doesn't suck." And you know what? That's something.
It often comes to mind now when thinking about my novel.
It's definitely not perfect and maybe not even great, but it doesn't suck. 
I'm proud of the fictional story I imagined out of my very own brain 

with a beginning, middle and end, three-act structure, 

hero's journey, sympathetic characters you can relate to but who also make you mad, 

decent setting, realistic dialogue, showing and not telling, 

some pretty funny banter, scenes that make you feel and chapters that will probably make you cry.

 

 I'm super proud of myself for accomplishing a goal I've had since 6th grade.

It's been a lot of work, but it's been so fun too. 

I'm so grateful to be able to spend time doing something I love. 

This summer I had a burst of inspiration as we cheered on 

(metaphorically through their Instagram posts) 

friends and relatives who participated in big events --10K's, triathlons, LoToJa, marathons --

--You don't have to win a marathon to be proud of yourself for running a marathon.--

I don't have to get published, to be proud of myself for writing a book.