To be honest, here in Utah I don't have any adult black friends or neighbors. There simply aren't that many in our area. When we moved from California to Utah, one of my friends said, "Don't do it. There's no diversity. It will be a disservice to your children." I knew she was right -- not much cultural or religious diversity. And that made me sad. But there was more economic diversity and I thought that would count for something.
Both Courtney and Marty had best friends that were not members of our Church, and Marty has a couple of friends whose parents are immigrants. We love them, but don't spend much time together.
And no blacks. I do realize we're missing out.
As a family, our main source of understanding frustrations of Black Americans is from watching Black-ish. And I actually think its not a bad way to learn more. Most episodes have helped create awareness that we're not all treated equal or have the same concerns as black parents in America.
However, I have to admit, sometimes I've believed they've overplayed some concerns for dramatic effect. And now I'm realizing I was wrong. One episode was on "The Talk" where Black parents warn their children -- especially teenage boys -- of the dangers of not only being stopped by police, but of even being out at night. My thought was, "Really? Surely that's being exaggerated."
But after listening to a podcast last week and reading articles of black families speaking up, I realize it's 100% true. Not just in some neighborhoods, but in all. Moms concerned about their teenagers playing in a park. Worried about them wearing their hoods on their hoodie sweatshirt. About being out after dark.
I feel like my kids are safe when they're in a group. Black parents worry that their kids will be judged when they're in a group. And their concerns aren't just "will they get into mischief or have the police called on them if they do" -- like what I worry about. No, they're concerned that just being black is a cause to not only have police called, but that they will be shot or killed simply by just being a black kid outside. I've NEVER worried about that before.
And the most eye-opening realization, is that I understand their concerns are real, because at times I myself have seen a group of black kids or a black kid in a hoodie and wondered if they were up to no-good. It doesn't mean I would act out or treat them differently necessarily. But absolutely those thoughts have crossed my mind. I can't always help my initial thoughts, but I must replace them with better ones. See the good. See them as my neighbors and children of our Heavenly Father.
I enjoyed a podcast on All In interviewing two black members of the Church. One comment I found especially interesting -- one man said any time the missionaries are teaching a black person in their area, the ward missionaries will call him to attend the lesson. That makes sense. And he loves sharing his testimony and participating in missionary work. But they have never called him when its a white person. Somehow he's "not needed" as a missionary. Just a black missionary.
I agree we need to have more open dialogue. But some of my worries about even talking are:
1) I worry about using the wrong words to describe "black." I know "black" is preferred. But there have been so many "wrong" and "right" words over the years, I'm still unsure if everyone is on the same page.
2) I worry that my ignorance would be misunderstood. At best, as insensitivity. At worst maliciousness.
3) I worry that my "sudden interest" is construed as bandwagoning. I read an article by a black writer who was "sick and tired" of getting texts of support from people he really didn't even know. I get that.
One concern I see in dialoguing is that missteps -- quite often in ignorance or naïveté -- result in public ridicule and people being shunned or losing their jobs. It stunts conversation if you're not allowed to be wrong. Perhaps that's how black Americans have felt themselves for so long. Perhaps for now I need to just listen.
I'm glad that the marches and the protests didn't go away in one weekend because now we can't ignore it. We each have to stop, look and listen, then evaluate how we can be better.
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