How Do I Hear Him?

Recently President Nelson asked us to ponder a question about God: "How do I hear Him?"
In my talk last week I mentioned times I felt God speaking to me. These are details of some of those times:

I have wondered if God was really there and have literally felt his presence--darkness was turned to light. 

When I was 16, I was very discouraged. It mostly amounted to me believing that the Gospel required perfection and acknowledging it wasn't something I'd ever be. I simply wasn't cut out for perfection. Sometimes I LIKED being ornery. I wasn't the type of kid who knew the right things to say or knew how to make someone feel better. I felt like me and the perfect Celestial Kingdom folks weren't compatible. 

One night I got down on my knees and told God I wasn't really sure I believed in him. I told him I was done. Being perfect was too hard. I just couldn't do it. So thanks, but no thanks. I was ending our relationship.

I got up from my knees and walked across my room to my closet. I felt different than I'd ever felt before. I felt dark, empty and hollow. I knew -- KNEW -- that I was experiencing what it felt like to live without the light of the Holy Ghost. 

I ran -- RAN -- back to my bed and fell to my knees. Desperate, I told God I changed my mind and I wanted him back and I'd keep trying if he'd let me. Peace filled my soul. I still had a ways to go to work through my sadness. I still didn't have a testimony that the Book of Mormon was true. But I did know that there was a God and having the Holy Ghost filled my Spirit with light. I knew it was a real thing and it was something I wanted in my life. 

I have been lonely and sat in a Sunday school lesson and the lesson was meant just for me.

When I was the PTA President I was exhausted. Expended and worn down from managing and micromanaging and trying to do "everything." I was bearing a lonely burden and the discouragement was winning. I sat in a Sunday School lesson in the back of the room feeling like I was drowning. What could God do to help me with the PTA. Nothing. It was temporal. None of his concern.

But the lesson spoke to me. Filled me with hope. Reminded me that God cares about ALL of our concerns. No matter how small or insignificant we think they are compared to other things. If we care, HE cares. I'm not sure these were the words in the lesson. But the lesson reminded me that God was with me in EVERYTHING. At the end of the lesson, the teacher commented, "I had prepared another lesson, but I felt impressed to talk about this instead." What a wonderful realization it was for me. That even though I was just one person in a world of billions, I was so individually important to my Heavenly Father, he made sure I was given a message from him. Of all the people in the room, I mattered enough.

I have felt so much joy in the beauty that surrounds me and felt the spirit testifying that this life is a gift.

Walking on my usual route down Wander Lane in springtime, pink and white flowers covered the trees, their blooms filling the air with a Heavenly smell. The sun was warm, not hot, and everything seemed to sparkle.  Birds were singing, surrounding me with their music. Mt. Olympus stood prominently in the distance, white snow contrasting with newly greened hills. The world was perfection and I was overcome with its beauty. The spirit manifested that these were the creations of God. How blessed I was to be a part of it.

I have questioned what to do, and felt quiet promptings guiding me. Many times God has seen me through from doubt and confusion, to clarity.

Whispering answers about how to help my children and discerning their concerns; Opening up time and opportunities to discuss important things; Helping me in my marriage; Guiding me to find answers about my path. Giving me more patience, filling me with gratitude, helping me love.

I have listened to talks (podcasts most recently) and shed tears of happiness as the spirit has born witness of truth.

I've said this a lot already this year. But I am grateful to have found more inspiration to lift me each day and that I recognize the Spirit testifying of truth.