Fake and Bake

I totally went to a tanning salon yesterday. It felt a little bit like I was sneaking off to go smoke pot or something. Like its something I totally shouldn't be doing, but decided against all better judgment that I was going to sneak off and do anyway.

When I told Dan and the kids what I'd done, you'd think I had smoked pot. They were literally dumbfounded:
"I think it's illegal!" (Dan)
"Mom, why would you do that?! Everyone knows its so bad for you!" (Chris)
Nick just looked at me with that look of how did he get this lady for his mother.
"Kids," (Dan again,) "This isn't something Mom is going to do on a regular basis. She just went once to get a start on her tan before Hawaii. We don't need to worry." (He looks at me totally worried.)

Funnily enough (just made up that word but I think it works), its the same tanning salon we went to back in high school days. The one across the street from Meier's Chicken and right next to what is now Ace Hardware.
("You went tanning in high school?!" (Chris) "Like before a dance or something?"
"Yes, before a dance. And once in a while just to get warm.")

The asked me if I'd ever been there before and I said, "Funnily enough, Yes. 30 years ago."
Then she said, "Let me see if you're in the system. What's your name?"
Well, that would have been back with my maiden name. And also, there was no system then. It was just a cash register and our cash. She still looked and I was not in their system.

It's different than it was back then. When I started the bed, a huge fan started up. Presumably to keep me cool or perhaps to work like a convection oven. But instead of being warm, I was freezing. I tried different buttons to make it stop and then I worried I'd messed things up and was giving me a double-dose of cancer rays. Or doubling my time and then I'd really fry.

I jumped out (had to throw on my shirt) and then called down to the attendant. She assured me I couldn't change any settings but had no idea how to stop the fan. (I suspect she only spray tans. And rarely at that. She's not stupid. Everyone knows these things are bad for you.)

I began again and got my 11 minutes in. Good thing I didn't go longer because my tummy fried. It hasn't seen the sun in... well, 30 years.

(Dan: "Why didn't you at least wear a bathing suit?!"
Me: Well, because of the fun of getting your whole body tan. What else would be the point?")


Nicholas quote of the day:
Me: I signed up for a writing class this semester!
Nick just looks at me sideways.
Me: Did I already tell you that?
Nick (looking at me like he does when my phone screen is disgustingly dirty): Uh, yes. A couple of times.