Vulnerable

 I got a text on Friday from someone in my new Writer's Group.

It began, "Hi my friend. I just wanted you to know I loved your book."

We're starting a writer's group together and we gave feedback to each other in last term's class,

but I've only seen her in person once (via Zoom), and yet, she called me "friend."

It was really beautiful to me.

Especially because I was feeling very vulnerable after reading my teacher's critique on my submission.

Her feedback started, "This is really pretty horrible and very sad." 😬

I know she was referring to the inciting incident and tragic events that begin my story,

but let's just say, it also summed up her feedback -- her "overarching comments."

To both of our credit, later, when I was ready to peek,

and take the time to go over her line edits, it didn't feel quite as negative -- 

it was more specific for what I needed to fix. And I only had two inadvertent POV shifts,

which is actually a huge improvement for me!

But, I wished she shared something she actually liked.

My friend's comments weren't very positive either. And its so good! So good!

Sigh.

While I've been marinating in feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, discouragement and failure, I'm also trying to find the courage to turn my face up and see what I can learn:

Being vulnerable is scary. And when you get negative feedback, it hurts.

But no one becomes good at something overnight. 

Constructive criticism is exactly why I'm signed up for a class. It's the only way to learn from a professional who can point out what I'm doing wrong and what I need to do differently. 

This is exactly what I was hoping for.

That's how I learned I was bad at holding the POV in Novel 1. 

I've still got to work on it, but I'm improving! 

Yes, she's right, I do want to eliminate "to be" verbs 

and exchange them with more visually active words.

The best part of being in a class is you can't quit.

Even though my first reaction was to close my computer, stop reading the feedback,

and take a break for a few years until the embarrassment eased,

quitting isn't really what I want. So having a class with a Wednesday deadline,

 another submission due in three weeks, and a third the week after that, makes me realize

I've got to pick myself up and get back to work. 

"Put my skis back on and get down the hill,"

to use a metaphor of something else I'm doing that I'd really like to quit!

What helps the most when you're feeling discouraged and crappy and you need to get over it?

Receiving a supportive text that starts, "Hi my friend." 

And that might be my favorite takeaway of this whole experience.