Love You, Bro

I'll miss all these boys, but especially Luke.
There was something comforting about hearing the weights clanking back in the gym each day. He is funny, fun, polite, easy to have a conversation with and genuinely caring. But most of all he's my dads son and has been a daily connection to their family.

Love you, Luke. Love you Jo, Jake and Jon!

Farewells and Pizza

Jake and Jon's farewells were today. It was a million degrees outside so the sun zapped our energy at their open houses. That and the reality that these boys are leaving. Also, hearing their bucket lists of death-defying stunts before they leave is making my mom heart race and almost wish Chris could go out this week while he's still safe and sound.

Gainers and back flips off the 25 foot high dives at Cottonwood Heights. 2:00 a.m. hike to the top of Mt. Olympus for the sunrise. Rope swing at Smith and Morehouse. And clearly drifting in cars because the smell from Chris' clutch has saturated the garage.

Coincidentally, Jake's farewell was at our old ward building. I snapped a photo of the Eagle Scout plaque showing Chris and Marty's names. And Jon's farewell was at the building that I grew up going to church in. (Actually, the building I went to in jr. high and high school because the one from elementary school is where we were before we moved.) I intended to take a photo of my name on the Personal Progress Award plaque, but I forgot.

After a 3 hour afternoon nap, we made pizzas in Dan's new pizza oven that Nick really wanted to give him for Father's Day. 

They turned out great! 

(It's also possible they would have been just as great and less messy 

by placing a pizza stone directly in the bbq.

But don't tell Nick.)

Nevarre and Is-a-beau

In memory of Rutger Hauer who died this week, 

Dan agreed to watch Ladyhawke with me.

Nevarre... sigh... 

Isabeau... sigh...

And Matthew Broderick, so dang cute and funny.

Jenny and I watched Ladyhawke maybe... once a month?

Our movie selection was limited in those days if we didn't have a ride or money or want to make the effort to go rent a video at VideoVerns. (We didn't even have Blockbuster in those days I don't think!)

 Jenny's family owned a few and Ladyhawke was top of our list of favorites.

Dan hadn't seen it before!

I remembered every scene, every line and the entire soundtrack.

I kind of want to watch it again.

(I also realized that while Jenny and I were imagining our future husbands to be knights, 

desperately in love, and so happy to be with us they'd deftly lift us in the air and spin us around, 

just like the ending scene of Nevarre and Isabeau,

our future husbands at that time were out racing cars, kissing girls and not thinking one second about losing their hearts to love. 😂😂😂

I don't even want to think about how much effort it would take to hoist me in the air now!)

Best Friends

Morning hike up Pipeline with my best friends.

Deer Valley Symphony with my other best friend.

It was raining and our bums got soaked but we still had fun.

The Other Side of Heaven 2

Sweet movie. Take tissues!

Dodgers!

So fun to go to a Dodger's Game with Marty and Chris.

Marty's first in a while and Chris' last for two years.

Korean BBQ is always a tradition.

Then shopping at Shoe Palace and over to The Grove.

Coincidentally came on Japan Night! 

On the hunt for pork nachos for me which took Dan and I to the top Reserve level. 

About a million stairs into the top-most part of the stadium. 

They were seriously so gross, but I ate some anyway because I felt bad for dragging Dan all the way up there! (He was a good sport and said it was fun to tour other parts of the stadium!)

Big play got them out of their seats.

Martin #55. I wanted Marty to buy a jersey but he didn't think it was as cool as I did.

Jansen in to close it out. We lost, sadly.

Summer Lovin'

I woke up early and did laundry and tidying all day. It's so weird having Nick gone. 

It's a lot like I'm on vacation. 

At 5:00 p.m, Dan and I headed out to the pool and stayed there until 10:00.

Marty's afternoon classes were cancelled so he was home spending the day with Chris rock-climbing, working out, playing Spike Ball and doing other brotherly things. 

We sent Marty to Cheesecake Factory to buy dinner. 

We pay and let him drive the Tesla and he was happy to go. 

It's like having our own private butler! 

We ate family dinner by the pool and talked about dating and girls (Chris was advising Marty), missions (Marty advising Chris), and how we used to eat out from Cheesecake Factory about once a week back in Los Angeles. Where has the time gone?

We came in just as the boys were heading out for the evening and did adult things like

bring in the trash cans, adjust the sprinklers, fold the sheets from the laundry and 

enjoy a few minutes on the new guest patio furniture. Kind of a perfect day.

Spending Time

This morning, one of the many things I prayed for, 

was to have meaningful time with Christopher. 

I've also been impressed to journal about some spiritual experiences I've had lately.

Last night when I asked if we could spend some time together today -- maybe watching a pre-missionary video "The District" together (which I actually think is pretty good but he thinks is pretty cheesy) -- he wasn't thrilled with that idea. 

When I finished praying today, I thought about his pile of clean laundry and decided we could work together to put it away. Or, even better, I'd put it away while he read the temple metaphor story in a book that I've given him in preparation for the temple.

He came into the sunroom to say good morning while I was reading my scriptures.

I suggested my idea about working on his laundry together, but he wasn't excited about that idea. 

He had a busy day but essentially said he could squeeze me and my project (his laundry) 

in for about 30 minutes in the afternoon.

He was up early because he wanted to start working on his new (very, very old) van that he and a buddy bought for $350 last weekend. (They've named her Brandy.)

They wanted a project to work on for the last few weeks he's home before his mission. 

(I have a lot of projects in mind that he could work on, 

but he wants teenage projects, not mom helping you to become a missionary projects.)

The first thing he wanted to do was go to the auto parts store to buy a battery to replace because the van won't hold a charge. It runs great once it's been jump-started, but can't start on its own.

He got home a short while later when I was up in my room journaling and asked if he could use my Costco card. He did some research and found he could get the same battery he just bought at O'Reillys for cheaper at Costco.  I told him I'd let him take it, but I know they won't let him use it without me. He said he wanted to try. 

I considered offering to go with him, but I was still in my pajamas and in the middle of journaling and I'm not really interested in getting involved with this van project.  

Instead I'd wait for my 30 minutes of laundry folding time we were going to have together later.

As he left my room, I told him this cool "aha" thing I was excited about that I'd noticed when I'd read past journal entries. They were about two experiences with Marty three or four years ago.

Instead of thinking they were cool, Chris was noticeably annoyed. 

I apologized and told him I wasn't trying to give some big life lesson. 

I just thought it was cool that God was so specific in responding to our needs 

and wanted to share it with someone. 

He responded, "I'm glad he's specific with Marty, Mom, 

but maybe I want him to be specific with me too." And he walked away.

Should I call out after him? Should I run after him? Should we talk some more?

I didn't think belaboring the point would be helpful.

So I just sat unmoving, feeling like a failure.

About ten minutes later, after I'd assumed he'd left, he came back to my room.

"I can't find your wallet." (To get the Costco card.)

I remembered it was in my overnight bag from the Logan YW trip.

"Chris, I don't think they'll let you use it without me. I'll come with you."

His eyes lit up, but he said, "I can see you're in the middle of something."

I stood up out of my chair, faced him, and holding his arms gently, looked him in the eye, 

"Chris, you might not think God is being specific with you, but I will be specific with you.

I love you and I have time for you."

He gave me a hug and I hugged him long right back. 

I pulled away and held his face (and of course I was crying but I could still whisper),

"While you're waiting for your own testimony, you hold on to my testimony."

He said he had for the last 18 years so that's what he'll keep on doing.

We went back to O'Reillys and I taught him to ask about price-matching. 

I waited in the car while he conducted his business. They matched the Costco price.

He was so excited.

He not only saved money, but realized that the battery was a different type than he originally bought so the guy exchanged it and was super cool about it.

He had another errand to run but said, it's not very close to here. I said, its not too far either, let's go. He was so excited.

It was something he'd been meaning to fix for a friend but hadn't ever gotten around to.

He was so relieved to finally get it taken care of.

Then we got lunch. While there he saw a friend and his mom pull up at the drive-thru. 

Chris ran out to say hi and show him photos of the van. He seriously has friends everywhere we go.

Chris sees a friends pull up at the drive-thru

When we got home, he hooked up the new battery.

He was so nervous.

What if it didn't work?

It didn't work.

He came inside and told me how disappointed he was. But he had some other ideas to try.

He went back out to work some more. He got it working!

He was so excited!

He came in to get me so I could see it working and hear it running! 

He told me how disappointed he had been when it hadn't worked but then how excited he was now!

He told me what he'd done to try again (tighten the connections).

He talked and talked and I watched him work and we walked around the van and he told me his ideas for it and what he was contemplating for his "next steps." 

And I got to be with him to celebrate in his success. And I didn't feel like such a failure after all.

My prayer was answered. But in a much different way than I expected.

And SO MUCH BETTER. 

I got to talk with Chris about things he's excited about. I got to teach him a few tricks and life hacks. I got to see him converse with strangers with ease. To see his joy at seeing a friend and be awed that he doesn't shy away from anyone or anything. His regret when he lets down a friend and his relief when he rights the wrong. His skill in working on a car. I got to hear him share his feelings -- nervousness, disappointment and excitement.

I've been blessed.

Today I've been reminded that love and spending time with my son isn't about

 hoping he does what I want him to do. 

It's about me loving what he does.

"God does not love us if we change. God loves us so that we can change. 

Only love effects true inner transformation, not duress, guilt, shunning, or social pressure."

-- Richard Rohr

Impromptu Party

After Luke's farewell, a lot of people came over to hang out including my sisters, Joy and Kevin and their cute family, EC, Diane and Marge. 

Jamboree!

When I got home from Logan at Noon, Dan and Nick had already bought the final things on the Jamboree list and he was ready to go. 

Bekah and Matt were in town for Luke's farewell but had left on a hike.

Dan was helping a man in the ward with some car trouble. So I took a nap.

That afternoon we played in the pool for a bit with the Nugents and went to Luke's Open House. 

Finally, it was time to take Nick and Will to the airport to head off on Jamboree.

Nick's been super excited. You can tell by the way he adds a little jump in the hall to touch the doorway, his care in packing, his enthusiasm at the gear they were given and his gratitude for mine and Dan's help. It's been super fun to get him ready.

Two weeks! I'm going to miss him!

Angels on Both Sides of the Veil

We took our Young Women to the Logan temple for baptisms and an overnight at Bear Lake.

There was a sweet spirit in the Logan temple. The workers seemed relaxed, easily managed a big group and were so welcoming.

While we were waiting our turn, one worker spoke to everyone in the waiting area testifying of the importance of temple work and encouraging us to write down our thoughts and impressions immediately after leaving. He promised that these written words would help strengthen our own testimonies or plant the seeds to start them growing. 

On the way up in the car it was just me and two other leaders. 

We talked about how angels were watching over us and we had no idea at how often we were protected from danger or disaster.

I shared how in Lake Powell, the houseboat generator quit working.

Eric had the idea to spray some starter fluid on it. Dan agreed it seemed like a good idea.

They did and it worked. Fantastic.

Later during dinner Eric's boat partner got back to him about the generator. Eric told him about the starter fluid but instead of being excited, the partner (a mechanic) said to not ever do that again. 

With the engine running, it could have easily caused an explosion.

As we talked at dinner we wondered at how often angels protected us. They saved us from explosions and we had no idea. Just went about our merry way. While we were happily eating dinner, we were somewhat oblivious at how tragic things could have actually been that hour.

While in the temple, I thought of the angels watching over us.

I had a revelatory moment that we to were saving the angels.

They protected us.

But we were also doing a saving work for people on the other side of the veil.

By doing baptisms and other temple work, we were offering them ordinances with 

eternal benefits that they can't do for themselves. We were saving eternal lives.

Yet we are somewhat oblivious to the powerful eternal blessings and probable gratitude

of those on the other side. We go to the temple for a spiritual activity that's also kind of fun.

I don't think we grasp the emotional feeling of the significance and importance

 of the work we're doing for those that receive it. 

We stayed up with the girls until 3:00 a.m. talking, eating s'mores at the campfire, playing card games, making friendship bracelets and playing psychiatrist and Black Magic.

I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag and got up at 8:30 to drive home in time to help Nick get ready for Jamboree, and loved every minute of it.

Bees Game, Check.

Nick's been teaching swim lessons this week with Anders.

I sit out with him to supervise. 

But also get to chat with the moms who bring their kids.

Tonight we went to a Bee's Game.

I think those are our favorite three summer activities: Bees Game, Drive-In and Boating.

Check.

More Summer Fun

Today I helped a friend who is moving pack a few closets.

This is called a telephone kids.

Chris and friends went backpacking and camping in the Uintahs.

Brothers working together to show get the water bladder in the backpack.

 Dan and I took Nick and a few friends boating.

Summer Bucket List Week

We're trying to squeeze all of our summer bucket list to-do's into basically this one week. (Counting a BBQ and swim party with friends last Friday night. You know you're at a new level of friendship when you can say, "if you bring your kids, have them bring friends, because we all know our kids won't be able to think of anything to say to each other, much less hang out together." Which worked great because most people's kids had other plans, including my own.)

Toy Story 4 at the Drive-In last night. I looked back at Nick and his two buddies who were sitting on the LoveSac in the back of the truck and they were all on their phones. Guess they would have preferred to see Spiderman. But what was cute is Nick said, "Is Spiderman showing?" I said, "Yes." And he said, "But you would rather see Toy Story, I guess, so we can see that." What a thoughtful guy!

He submitted his Eagle application yesterday. Yay! And all his merit badges have been sewn on his bandelo. Hip Hip Hooray! Aside from planning his Eagle Court of Honor, my parenting for three boys in scouting is finished!!

Speaking of persistence and dedication, Clara made FOUR baskets today! It took me quite a while to finally make a shot from the free-throw line. But I did it.

First Try

We took Marty and a couple friends to the lake so he could get a refresher on how to drive the boat and take some friends up on his own next week.

It's been three years since he's surfed and he got up first try. 

I also 1) Got up. 2) Got Marty to take my photo.

We went to Itto's for dinner with Marty, his roommate, and Nick and his friends.

And then sat in the backyard enjoying a perfect evening.

So were these two birds.

Dressing Up

Chris and I were going to Mr. Mac today to buy missionary suits.

This is what he decided to wear shopping.

Actually, first he came down with a bandanna under his hat and I was like, 

"No."

And then I made him button up his shirt. 

This kid makes me laugh and roll my eyes so much.

We had Keith and Wendy to dinner tonight. Cool story:

Keith grew up in Clovis, NM moved to California in high school and met a Mormon friend.

He and that friend went to BYU for a semester and Keith said it was the first time he saw kids having fun without getting wasted or drunk. From the beginning he realized that's what he wanted.

He got baptized, went on a mission, moved back to California afterward where he met his wife.

They have four kids (about our kids ages).

While at BYU, Keith was thumbing through a student directory looking to find any other kids from Clovis. That's when he saw Dan's name. And suddenly he remembered, when he was eight years old, Dan invited him to his house to watch a movie and eat popcorn.

The movie was about a kid in the woods with angels. 

Also, two guys in white shirts and ties were at the "movie party."

He realized Dan was a Mormon and that movie was the First Vision.

Dan doesn't remember. EC doesn't remember. But Keith did.

While serving as bishop a few years ago, he had access to a church directory that helped him find Dan and tell him he had become a member of the Church. It was important to him to let Dan know the popcorn and movie experience was his first interaction with the church. 

Dan had called him back a few months ago when he had to speak in Stake Conference leadership meeting. He wanted to share that often we make efforts and missionary work or ministering and we think they aren't important or don't make a difference. But as with Keith, we never know the seeds that are planted and the difference that love and kindness makes.

We loved meeting them and spending the evening together last night. 

And in spite of mentioning how we didn't want to forget, we did forget to take a picture. 

YW/YM Cookout

I was in charge of planning our combined YW/YM activity tonight.

In fact, I've known since January this was my month and since those winter months looked forward to planning an activity up the canyon for a cookout of hot dogs and s'mores.